Jessica Herman

Cushioned between sky-blue walls and beneath a ceiling of quilted bed sheets, the nerds gathered at Early to Bed all have one thing in common: They're here to learn the art of flirting.

As the last customers straggle out of the Andersonville sex shop--women with brand new vibrators, batteries included--the guests get in the mood for tonight's workshop, "Flirting for Nerds," with a little help from the perpetually hip Marvin Gaye. "My name is Rebecca, and I'm a big flirt," says the class instructor. "And I'm a nerd." Rebecca's in good company; not only is she among a roomful of nerds, but nearly everyone expresses a preference for dating nerds, too.

Rebecca divulges an abbreviated personal history of her evolving comfort in social situations, then directs the class's attention to the makeshift chalkboard on the back wall. She prods them to describe the flirting techniques that she has used in the past few minutes; Rebecca's loosening the term's rigid definition by including gestures like smiling, complimenting and this evening's catchphrase, "body language." The men and women then introduce themselves, explaining their purpose for being here with statements like "lifelong recovering nerd" or "my ex-girlfriend recommended I come."

They turn their attention to the front of the room, where Rebecca has her pen poised in front of a flipchart page entitled "The Flirting Continuum." The crowd twitches in ebbs and flows as she explains the focus of tonight's class: moderate to extreme flirting. Her pearls of wisdom fall somewhere between fire-escape instructions-- "Stop. Take some time and visualize it happening"--to rules of sexual etiquette-- "Keep faking it until it comes naturally." She offers a list of recommendations: Have a prop, such as a friendly animal, an interesting book cover or something that's kind of out of place so you can ask someone for help. Carrying pastries is her personal favorite.

The evening concludes with the students test-driving their new tools. Half receive yellow slips with flirting instructions, which their assigned partners must recognize and identify. To Rebecca's delight, the class performs exceptionally well. After an hour and a half of flirting 101, the expert doles out one remaining suggestion for those folks who simply can't bear to flirt: "Nicebreakers." The last flipchart page reveals three statements that the students can choose to scrawl on a notecard and give to a crush: "You are beautiful and I am shy. If you're interested, you can reach me at (fill in the blank)." And off they go.

(2004-10-20)

Also by Jessica Herman

Really easy riders
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Hiccup to the chief
The man in a beret, the foursome of grad students, the blonde in her trench coat and Halloween socks are all double-fisting full cups of alcohol in the regal Ruggles Hall at the Newberry Library
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Material girls
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Custom couture
Nestled in industrial flatlands between an auto-repair shop and the Goose Island Brewery, Dame Couture , a custom dressmakers' studio, is an anomaly in her neighborhood
(2004-09-29)

Ziggy lives
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Dialogue by design
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Spin Control
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To the Gill
(2004-09-08)

The art of the discount
(2004-08-31)

Boutiqueville
(2004-08-31)

Unabashedly cheesy
(2004-08-25)

Bird watching
(2004-08-25)

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